Introduction
There was a time when a man looking for a wife would speak with her father, court her intentionally, demonstrate his ability to provide, and make a lifelong covenant before God and witnesses alike. There was a time when a woman understood that her greatest earthly asset was not her career trajectory, her Instagram following, or her collection of passport stamps, but her character, virtue, fertility, and capacity to build a household alongside a competent man. Those days, it seems, have largely been traded in for something that more closely resembles a chaotic used-car lot run by carnival barkers, social media influencers, government regulators, and people who have learned from romantic comedies.
Spend a few weeks observing the modern dating market and you will notice something fascinating. The same behaviors, incentives, deceptions, and absurdities that plague the used automobile industry have migrated into human relationships. Asking prices bear little resemblance to actual value. Marketing departments work overtime to conceal wear and tear. Previous ownership histories are carefully omitted. Mileage is considered offensive to discuss. Warning lights are ignored. Serious buyers are disappearing. Everyone claims to be a luxury model, and nearly every vehicle arrives with a disclaimer explaining why the previous owners were entirely at fault. While the comparison is obviously tongue-in-cheek, it also reveals uncomfortable truths about modern courtship, marriage, divorce, and the collapse of biblical standards. So, for the benefit of prospective buyers everywhere, let us take a stroll through today’s dating dealership and examine the inventory.
I. Why Every 2008 Corolla Thinks It’s a Ferrari
The first lesson every used-car buyer learns is that asking price and actual value are loosely acquainted at best. The seller may have spent years convincing himself that his faded sedan with mismatched tires, a cracked dashboard, and 247,000 miles is a rare collector’s item. He remembers what he paid for it. He remembers how much he loved it. He remembers that one time someone complimented the paint. But the market does not care about his feelings.
The modern dating market suffers from the same condition. Thanks to social media, dating apps, celebrity culture, and decades of self-esteem propaganda, nearly every woman has become convinced she is premium inventory. A generation has been raised on the belief that they are exceptional, unique, and deserving of the very best. Participation trophies have become participation spouses, average has become offensive, and ordinary has become an insult. Everyone wants a king while bringing the qualifications of a court jester.
Dating apps have poured gasoline on this delusion. Historically, most people selected spouses from a relatively small social circle consisting of family connections, church communities, neighborhoods, and local acquaintances. The average woman compared local men to other local men. The average man compared local women to other local women. This kept expectations naturally moderated by reality. Today, however, a woman in a town of ten thousand can receive attention from men hundreds or thousands of miles away. A man can spend hours scrolling through endless profiles, and the illusion of infinite options replaces the discipline of choosing wisely.
Researchers have documented this phenomenon well. Studies examining dating-app behavior consistently find that a relatively small percentage of users receive a disproportionately large share of attention. Everyone notices the luxury models, while they ignore the economy cars.
The irony is almost poetic. Despite unprecedented access to potential partners, marriage rates continue to decline while loneliness continues to rise. We have created a marketplace with more inventory than any civilization in history and somehow fewer successful transactions. It turns out abundance does not necessarily produce satisfaction.
Scripture recognized this principle long before economists gave it a name. Proverbs warns against pride, self-deception, and inflated self-assessment. “When pride cometh, then cometh shame: but with the lowly is wisdom” (Proverbs 11:2). Wisdom begins with accurately assessing reality. A wise buyer knows what he is purchasing. A wise seller knows what he is offering. Trouble begins when a 2008 Corolla starts demanding Ferrari prices simply because someone on Instagram told it to “know its worth.”
The dating market today is filled with individuals who have confused unlimited male attention with value and compliments with qualifications. The result is a showroom full of vehicles sitting under bright lights, accumulating dust, waiting for offers that will never arrive. Everybody believes they deserve more. Meanwhile, the calendar keeps turning, the mileage keeps increasing, and the market quietly continues its ruthless evaluation of reality.
II. Certified Pre-Owned: The Rebranding Department
If there is one thing the automotive industry understands, it is the power of marketing. A vehicle that struggled to attract attention yesterday can suddenly become desirable today with the addition of a fresh coat of wax, a detailed inspection report, and a shiny sticker that reads “Certified Pre-Owned.” The transmission may still have trust issues. The suspension may still groan when asked to carry weight. The previous owner may have treated oil changes as optional suggestions. Yet somehow, through the miracle of branding, we are encouraged to view the vehicle not as “used,” but as “experienced.”
The modern dating market has adopted this strategy with enthusiasm. In previous generations, divorce carried a social stigma, not because people were cruel, but because marriage was viewed as a covenant rather than a contract. A failed marriage represented something serious was potentially wrong with the participant. It was not necessarily unforgivable, nor was it always the fault of both parties, but it was recognized as a significant life event worthy of careful consideration. Today, modern culture has developed an entire vocabulary dedicated to making every previous relationship sound like an advanced educational opportunity.
A divorce is no longer a divorce, but a growth journey, a failed engagement becomes self-discovery, three broken relationships become valuable experience, Four former partners become evidence of knowing what one wants.
The dealership’s marketing department has been working overtime. Now, before someone begins composing an angry email, let’s acknowledge the obvious. Scripture recognizes legitimate grounds for divorce in certain (extremely limited) circumstances, and God extends grace. People make mistakes. Some individuals genuinely are victims of abandonment, adultery, abuse, or circumstances beyond their control. Redemption is one of the central themes of Christianity. The point is that pretending history does not exist serves nobody.
When purchasing an actual vehicle, every sensible buyer asks questions about previous ownership. How many owners has it had? Has it been wrecked? What repairs have been performed? Has it been maintained properly? Nobody interprets these questions as personal attacks. Yet somehow, when similar questions arise in modern relationships, we are informed that the past is irrelevant and that any interest in prior history constitutes judgmental behavior.
Curiously, the people making this argument rarely purchase houses without inspections, businesses without audits, or vehicles without maintenance records. History matters because patterns matter.
King Solomon observed, “As a dog returneth to his vomit, so a fool returneth to his folly” (Proverbs 26:11). Human beings possess an extraordinary ability to repeat destructive behaviors while insisting that this time will be different. While any divorce is an instant “red flag”, one failed marriage may be a tragedy, two may be unfortunate, three begins to indicate serious issues.
The broader statistics cannot be ignored. Multiple studies have shown that the likelihood of divorce increases in subsequent marriages. While individual circumstances vary, the overall trend proves that relationship habits, expectations, and conflict patterns persist. The same software tends to produce the same error messages regardless of how many times the hardware is replaced.
Wise buyers ask questions, not because they are cruel, or lack compassion, or because they deny redemption. They ask because covenant requires trust, and trust requires honesty.
In modern dating everyone has a history. The remarkable thing is that we now live in a culture that simultaneously insists the past does not matter while demanding understanding for why the past matters. We are expected to ignore the Carfax report while spending years discussing the emotional impact of every previous owner. A wise man should do neither.
The biblical position is neither condemnation nor denial, but truth. Grace without truth becomes sentimentality, and truth without grace becomes cruelty. But truth and grace together allow a buyer to accurately assess the inventory before making what is intended to be a lifelong purchase. And unlike a certified pre-owned vehicle, marriage does not come with a return policy.
III. Mileage Matters Whether We Pretend It Does or Not
There are few topics in modern dating capable of triggering a stronger emotional reaction than the discussion of mileage. Mention age, weight, income, education, politics, religion, or favorite pizza toppings, and most people can maintain a reasonably civil conversation. Mention sexual history, relationship history, or accumulated baggage, however, and suddenly everyone begins reaching for the emergency exits. This is unfortunate, because reality remains stubbornly indifferent to our discomfort.
When purchasing a vehicle, mileage is not the only factor that matters, but it is certainly one of the most important factors. A well-maintained truck with 150,000 miles may be a better purchase than a neglected vehicle with 60,000. IN this way context matters. But nobody seriously argues that mileage is completely irrelevant. Nobody walks into a dealership and says, “I can’t believe you’re asking how many miles are on it. That information belongs in the past.” And yet this is precisely how modern dating often operates.
We are told that previous relationships do not matter. Sexual history does not matter. Emotional baggage does not matter. Past decisions do not matter. Every person, we are assured, should be evaluated as though they emerged from the factory yesterday morning with the protective plastic still covering the seats.
The problem is that human beings are not factory-fresh products. We are creatures of habit, memory, attachment, and experience. Every decision leaves an imprint. Every relationship teaches lessons (both good and bad.) Every success and failure shapes our future behavior.
This is a Biblical fact and psychological reality. Researchers studying attachment theory, relationship satisfaction, and long-term pair bonding have consistently found correlations between past relational behavior and future relational outcomes. The exact interpretations remain debated, but the underlying principle is hardly controversial: habits will persist unless confronted and intentionally changed.
The Bible recognized this thousands of years before psychologists began publishing journals. “Can the Ethiopian change his skin, or the leopard his spots? then may ye also do good, that are accustomed to do evil” (Jeremiah 13:23).
Christianity is founded upon the belief that people can change. The point is that genuine transformation requires effort, repentance, discipline, and time. What Scripture rejects is the modern fantasy that transformation occurs automatically simply because someone desires a different outcome.
A great irony of contemporary culture is that we have become simultaneously obsessed with trauma and dismissive of consequences. We are constantly reminded that past experiences shape our behavior, influence our emotions, affect our trust, and impact our relationships. Yet when the discussion turns toward evaluating a potential spouse, we are suddenly expected to believe that none of those same experiences matter. Apparently history matters tremendously, until it becomes inconvenient.
Mileage, however, extends beyond sexual history. Emotional mileage exists, financial mileage exists, and relational mileage exists. There are individuals who have accumulated years of bitterness, resentment, entitlement, and cynicism while remaining technically “low mileage” by other measures. There are also individuals who have endured hardship, loss, and suffering yet emerged wiser, stronger, and more stable than before.
This is why wise buyers look beyond the odometer.They inspect maintenance records, they listen for unusual noises, they examine signs of neglect, and they evaluate whether repairs have actually been completed or merely covered with fresh paint.
The same principle applies in relationships. Character matters more than image, repentance matters more than excuses, and true growth matters more than branding.
Unfortunately, modern dating culture prefers to avoid reality. We are encouraged to believe that every “vehicle” is equally desirable regardless of condition, every warning light is merely a social construct, and every maintenance issue can be solved through positive thinking.
Reality disagrees.
The truth is neither cruel nor complicated. Past choices influence future outcomes. Actions produce consequences. Habits become character. Character becomes destiny. A wise man does not obsess over mileage, but neither does he ignore it. He understands that every vehicle has a story, and that story matters. Because eventually, after the advertisements have faded and the sales pitch has ended, someone still has to drive the thing home and maintain it.
IV. Lemon Laws, Extended Warranties, and Other Modern Dating Myths
Every experienced vehicle buyer will eventually learn a painful lesson: not every problem can be fixed with optimism.
The salesman may assure you that the knocking sound is “completely normal.” He may explain that the warning lights are merely being overly sensitive. He may insist the smoke coming from beneath the hood is simply the vehicle expressing itself. Nevertheless, there comes a point where reality must be acknowledged. Some vehicles have problems. Some problems are serious. Some problems are expensive. And some problems should cause a prudent buyer to walk away immediately.
Modern dating culture, unfortunately, has declared war on this principle. We live in an age where nearly every warning sign is dismissed as judgment, every concern is labeled insecurity, and every obvious defect is repackaged as a personality trait. Debt is reframed as ambition, anger becomes passion, laziness becomes self-care, entitlement becomes confidence, and emotional instability becomes authenticity. A complete inability to maintain healthy relationships is now proof that everyone else was toxic.
The dealership’s marketing department has truly outdone itself. Previous generations understood that character flaws had consequences. Parents, churches, and communities actively evaluated potential spouses. They asked uncomfortable questions. Was he responsible? Was she trustworthy? Did he work hard? Did she demonstrate self-control? Was either party known for dishonesty, recklessness, violence, or chronic foolishness?
Today, asking such questions is often treated as a violation of human rights. Instead, we are encouraged to believe that love alone possesses magical repair capabilities. If two people simply feel strongly enough about one another, decades of bad habits, unresolved trauma, destructive patterns, financial irresponsibility, addiction, selfishness, and emotional immaturity will somehow disappear beneath the warm glow of romantic affection. History proves otherwise.
The divorce courts are full of people who were deeply in love. Bankruptcy filings contain the names of people who were deeply in love. Marriage counselors spend their careers helping people who were deeply in love. Love is important, love is necessary, love is biblical. But love is not a substitute for wisdom.
The book of Proverbs praises foresight and discernment. “A prudent man foreseeth the evil, and hideth himself: but the simple pass on, and are punished” (Proverbs 22:3). Notice that Scripture does not celebrate the man who ignores danger, but celebrates the man who recognizes danger before it destroys him.
Modern dating advice often resembles a demolition derby sponsored by motivational speakers. The dashboard is flashing, the transmission is slipping, the frame is bent, the check engine light has been on continuously since the previous administration, and somebody inevitably says, “Have you tried communicating?”
Communication is valuable. Communication is not a replacement for character. One of the most dangerous myths in modern relationships is the belief that marriage transforms people. It does not. Marriage magnifies people. The disciplined become more disciplined. The selfish become more selfish. The generous become more generous. The responsible become more responsible. Marriage is a pressure test, what exists before the wedding will only be exposed and magnified.
In fact, many of the warning signs people desperately try to ignore during courtship become the very complaints they voice during divorce proceedings, only magnified. A vehicle does not become reliable because you signed paperwork, and a person does not become virtuous because they exchanged rings.
This is why wise buyers inspect thoroughly before making commitments. They look beyond appearances. They investigate patterns. They evaluate behavior over time. They understand that excitement can cloud judgment and that attraction can temporarily silence common sense. The goal is not perfection. No vehicle is perfect. No person is perfect. The goal is identifying the difference between normal wear and catastrophic failure.
Because despite what modern culture promises, there is no extended warranty that covers foolish decisions. And unlike a used truck, you cannot trade your spouse in every three years when the constant noise of pre-existing problems and programming defects become unbearable.
V. The Collector’s Garage: When One Vehicle Isn’t Enough
Another strange feature of modern society is the insistence that there is only one acceptable vehicle ownership model. A man may own a pickup truck for work, a sports car for weekends, a motorcycle for recreation, a bass boat for fishing, a tractor for the property, and an RV for vacations without attracting any criticism. Entire television networks are dedicated to helping men expand their collections. Yet suggest that a prosperous, capable man might successfully maintain more than one wife, and suddenly people begin reacting as though you have proposed replacing the interstate highway system with a team of alpacas. The inconsistency is fascinating.
Throughout all of human history, powerful men often maintained what a dealership would describe as an extensive fleet. Kings maintained multiple households. Patriarchs maintained multiple households. Wealthy merchants, tribal leaders, landowners, and rulers frequently maintained multiple households. Scripture records Abraham, Jacob, Gideon, David, and 40+ others as possessing family structures that would cause modern relationship experts to spill their fair-trade coffee.
Curiously, the biblical narrative never pauses to deliver the lecture modern readers expect. This is because Scripture focuses on responsibility rather than outrage.
The modern objection is framed in practical and emotional terms. “One wife is hard enough,” people say. “How could a man possibly manage more than one?” This argument is frequently delivered by individuals currently maintaining three ex-spouses, four dating applications, two active situationships, several unresolved emotional entanglements, and a therapist who has not had a quiet week since 2017. All while winking at the secretary.
Apparently managing multiple failed relationships is entirely reasonable, while managing multiple successful relationships is considered completely impossible. The issue, however, is not quantity. The issue is stewardship.
Nobody questions whether a man can physically purchase a second vehicle. The question is whether he can maintain it. Can he afford it? Can he house it? Can he insure it? Can he care for it properly? Can he remain responsible for it? The same principle appears in Scripture. The biblical concern was never whether a man desired additional wives. The concern was whether he possessed the resources, character, discipline, and leadership necessary to provide for them.
This is where contemporary discussions immediately derail. Some men imagine multiple wives as though they are collecting trading cards. Some critics imagine multiple wives as though every household immediately transforms into a medieval soap opera. Both groups are generally detached from reality. The truth is far less glamorous.
Every additional relationship increases responsibility. Every additional household member requires time, leadership, resources, protection, and emotional investment. The husband becomes more and more accountable, not less. His obligations multiply. His failures become more consequential.
A second vehicle does not repair a neglected first vehicle. Expanding the fleet does not improve poor maintenance habits. If the garage is already on fire, adding inventory is generally discouraged. The biblical patriarchs provide numerous examples of this principle. Abraham dealt with household tensions. Jacob experienced conflict between wives. David’s family endured significant struggles. Scripture does not hide these difficulties. Instead, it presents them honestly as reminders that every form of household leadership carries challenges and responsibilities.
What Scripture notably does not do is condemn the ownership model. The modern church treats polygyny as though it were explicitly forbidden in Scripture, despite the fact that no direct prohibition exists. Instead, what Scripture consistently condemns are neglect, favoritism, abuse, injustice, adultery, and failures of leadership. The problem is not the size of the garage, but whether the owner is fulfilling his responsibilities.
For most men, one vehicle will likely be more than sufficient. For some men, a larger collection may be lawful and manageable. But the lesson remains the same regardless of fleet size: ownership creates obligation, leadership creates accountability, and stewardship creates responsibility.
And the man who cannot faithfully maintain a single dependable vehicle should postpone his dreams of becoming a collector.
VI. Why Granddad Still Owns His First Vehicle 40 Years Later
Walk through any classic car show and you will notice something remarkable. Every vehicle has a story. The owner can tell you where it came from, how long it has been in the family, what repairs have been made, and the adventures experienced along the way. There is pride in preservation, there is satisfaction in stewardship, and there is honor in maintaining something rather than constantly replacing it.
Now compare that mindset to the modern dating market. Today, relationships are approached with the same mentality people use when selecting a cell phone plan. Everything is temporary, everything is upgradeable, and everything is disposable. If a newer model appears, trade up. If maintenance becomes inconvenient, move on. If excitement fades, start browsing the inventory again. Commitment has been replaced with consumerism and the numbers tell the story.
In 1950, approximately 83% of American adults were married. Marriage was viewed as the normal foundation of adulthood, family formation, and community stability. Today, marriage rates have fallen below 48%. The median age of first marriage continues to rise, birth rates continue to decline, and loneliness has become so widespread that health researchers increasingly describe it as a public health crisis.
Curiously, the culture that promised unprecedented freedom has produced record levels of isolation. Perhaps this should not surprise us. The automobile industry depends upon repeat customers. Strong families do not.
For most of human history, marriage has been understood as a covenant rather than a vehicle for personal fulfillment. This does not mean people lacked affection, quite the opposite. Historical letters, journals, and personal writings reveal deep love between husbands and wives. The difference is that previous generations viewed love as something strengthened by commitment rather than threatened by it.
Modern culture has reversed the formula. Commitment now must wait until every emotional need is guaranteed. Marriage must wait until every personal life goal is first accomplished. Children must wait until financial perfection arrives and they will no longer be perceived as an inconvenience or hardship. Responsibility must wait until convenience permits (if ever). As a result, most people now spend decades preparing for a life they never begin.
When Jesus was questioned regarding marriage, He pointed back to creation: “What therefore God hath joined together, let not man put asunder” (Matthew 19:6). Marriage was designed as a covenant binding two imperfect people together under God’s authority. That design contains tremendous wisdom.
A vehicle maintained for forty years will accumulate scratches, components will wear out, and some repairs will become necessary. Yet because the owner remains committed, the vehicle becomes more valuable over time rather than less. The same principle applies to marriage.
The strongest marriages are built by people who remain committed when difficulties inevitably arrive. This is one of the great secrets modern culture struggles to understand. Happiness is the byproduct of commitment, not the prerequisite. Trust grows through faithfulness, intimacy grows through sacrifice, and stability grows through perseverance.
Granddad did not keep the same vehicle for forty years because it never broke down. He kept it because he believed some things were worth repairing. Likewise, previous generations did not remain married because every day felt like a honeymoon. They remained married because they understood that covenant requires endurance. They understood that families, communities, inheritances, and legacies are built over decades and by sacrifice.
The irony is that while modern society celebrates unlimited choice, the people who report the greatest satisfaction are those who made a choice and stayed with it. They stopped comparing, and they stopped wondering whether a better deal was waiting around the corner. They invested where they were.
In the end, the healthiest marriages are not luxury imports driven only on sunny weekends. They are the dependable workhorses that carried families through life’s storms, endured countless miles, survived unexpected breakdowns, and remained on the road long after newer models had come and gone.
And that, perhaps, is the greatest lesson the used-car lot can teach us.
Conclusion
By now, some readers are undoubtedly preparing strongly worded emails explaining that human beings are not automobiles. This is true. Human beings are vastly more valuable than automobiles. They are created in the image of God, possess eternal souls, and carry a dignity that no machine could ever possess. The purpose of the analogy is not to reduce people to property (although there are corollaries). Rather, it is to expose the absurdities, contradictions, incentives, and delusions that increasingly define the modern dating marketplace.
Sometimes the quickest way to recognize the foolishness of a culture is to translate its assumptions into another context and observe how ridiculous they appear. If nobody would purchase a vehicle without examining its history, condition, maintenance records, and long-term reliability, it is curious that we encourage people to make one of the most important decisions of their lives while pretending those same factors are irrelevant.
The deeper lesson is a biblical one. Marriage was never intended to function as a consumer transaction, to maximize excitement, provide endless options, or for our personal convenience. It was designed to establish covenant, create families, build legacies, and glorify God. The modern dating market encourages people to think like shoppers, comparing seemingly unlimited inventory while searching for a deal that does not exist. Scripture calls men and women to think like builders instead. A wise man seeks character over marketing, substance over appearances, and covenant over consumption.
A wise woman does the same. The goal is not finding a flawless luxury model with zero miles and unlimited warranty coverage. Such inventory does not exist. The goal is finding a faithful companion with whom to build something lasting. And for those still wandering the dealership lot, endlessly kicking tires and negotiating with reality, a final piece of advice may be in order: eventually the showroom closes, the inventory changes, the mileage increases, and the best opportunities drive off the lot. Choose wisely, maintain diligently, honor your commitments, and remember that the most valuable vehicles are the ones still faithfully running after decades on the road.